Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
