At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
