What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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