C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
