Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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