The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
They have beer where we have blood.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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