There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
