We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The air taste purple.
Randomize
