I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
