P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
In America we eat man semen.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
