You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So squirting runs in the family.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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