DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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