I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
