just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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