Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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