Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You are the jesus of drinking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
