I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
