I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
