he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
