Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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