Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
