Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I want to be your penis for a week.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
