I want to stick my p in your. b.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
