i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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