My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
