thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
