Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
not ubering you a puppy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
