I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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