Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
