found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
