I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
