Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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