Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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