Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
