one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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