3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
