so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
