so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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