Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
