They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
