I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
