Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
