can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
