Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
