how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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