I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
