he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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