I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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