walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
