I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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