I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
