Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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