First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
