My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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