We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no you cant smoke seaweed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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