sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
