things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
