Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
