finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
